The first thing to do is not to hush up the problem. If you notice signs of stress in a teenager, he complains of fatigue, becomes irritable, anxious, eats and sleeps poorly or eats and sleeps too much, or cries often, then you should not pretend that everything is in order, and hope that you yourself will pass. On the contrary, you need to pay attention to the problem and point it out to the child: to talk about what stress is, that many experience it under heavy loads and in such a state there is nothing terrible. And then - to begin to deal with the situation together.
2. Take it seriously
Adolescent problems often seem unimportant to parents. At the first moment, many want to brush aside: what difficulties a schoolchild may have, everyone studied and passed exams, and no one died from them. However, the guys take their problems very seriously and suffer from them no less than their parents - from "adult" difficulties. All these troubles and conflicts are experienced for the first time, and the deuce on the exam is felt as painfully as then the dismissal or refusal to interview will be felt. And therefore, the effects of stress can be just as serious. So parents should be sympathetic and sympathetic to the state of their children.
3. Identify the cause of stress
Stress can already be one load while studying, especially when preparing for exams. But if there is an additional reason that makes learning even more difficult and even painful, parents need to identify it in time. Conflict with classmates or teachers, bullying, difficulties with some subjects - all this can greatly worsen both the condition and performance of the student. It is worth talking to him, trying to find out if there is any particular factor behind the stress, and discuss how to improve the situation.
4. Learn to plan things
Proper planning can significantly reduce stress. It is necessary to teach a teenager to pre-view their affairs and break them down into smaller, local tasks, depending on time and capabilities, to draw up a balanced work schedule for the near future. This makes it possible to take a look at everything that needs to be done, complete the tasks on time and meet the deadline, avoiding the situation when it is necessary to do things for a week in one evening. So the teenager disappears the feeling that an endless list of tasks “hangs” over him, an unpleasant sense of suspense disappears and, as a result, anxiety decreases.
If in a normal situation it is better to motivate schoolchildren to strive for more, then in a stressful period, on the contrary, it is necessary to highlight the necessary and cut off all unnecessary. It is worth evaluating together which things are currently important and which tasks you can leave or complete for a while with minimal effort. For example, vocals can be interrupted while preparing for the exam, and a report on a non-core subject can be written in the top three. After all, otherwise there is a danger that attempts to clutch at all things at once will not only increase the level of stress and tension, but also will not make it possible to devote enough attention to truly significant matters.
Stress in schoolchildren - reasons
The school not only stimulates the general development processes, it can become a source of increasing tension. The most stressful in the student’s life is the beginning of the school year and the change of educational institution. Other factors causing stress:
- situations related to training - assessments, knowledge testing, exceeding duties, etc.
- problems in relationships with peers
- attitude of parents to poor performance - humiliation, threat, punishment
- difficulties with the teacher - the teacher screams, scolds or humiliates with classmates.
The negative mood of others, affects the health of the student. First of all, the nervous and immune systems suffer, blood circulation is disturbed due to constant muscle tension. Full-fledged mental work in such conditions is impossible, as a result, a vicious circle arises - grades do not improve, the student’s psyche is even more suppressed.
6. Maintain a healthy lifestyle
In the stressful period, adolescents first of all begin to skip meals, take away time to study at sleep, and charging and, moreover, full-fledged workouts become something unattainable. At the same time, maintaining the right lifestyle is especially important just in difficult times: only a healthy and rested body can withstand increased loads, work productively and cope with stress. Therefore, parents should separately ensure that the student’s food is complete, motivate him to go out and play sports at least a little every day and not stay up late for a book and a smartphone.
How is stress manifested in schoolchildren
Symptoms that are the result of stress are most easily detected in young children, because unlike adolescents, they do not hide their condition. Among the known symptoms are:
- irritability, aggressive behavior
- apathy, drowsiness, decreased concentration
- the emergence of a tendency to pessimism or fantasy
- gastrointestinal upsets (e.g., abdominal pain, diarrhea, vomiting)
- headache, dry mouth, increased muscle tone (in particular, neck and shoulders)
- decreased immunity.
7. Follow breaks
Rest for productive work and high results is no less important than study itself. Our brain is not able to work on one thing without switching, and after several hours, any further actions will be meaningless or even harmful, errors and inaccuracies will begin to appear. Therefore, it is worth watching not only that the teenager sits down at work on time, but also that he leaves on time to rest. Of course, the best thing is to go somewhere on the street or play sports, but even switching to a game or series is better than continuous preparation for the exam or many hours of homework.
Family as a source of support
In difficult times, family support is crucial. The child must be sure that they will hear him, and the problems will not be ridiculed or exaggerated. At the same time, it is impossible to eliminate unpleasant situations by all means. In the end, stress is an integral part of life, and the sooner a student learns to deal with it, the easier it will be to survive more serious situations.
Quite often, instead of help, the family contributes to a deterioration in the psychological mood. To avoid this, avoid the following points:
1. Bullying with the help of a school or teacher. The messages “at school they will laugh at you” or “it will be difficult for you” cause alarm and unwillingness to attend it. Instead of such expressions, tell us that at the school he is waiting for new acquaintances or friends with whom you can share your impressions about the past vacation.
2. Fear of loved ones. Sometimes parents, fearing for a child, show their frustration, which causes stress for the student. He believes that if mom and dad are worried, then class is not such a safe place. Do not show excessive anxiety in the presence of the student, tune him only for the best.
3. A frightening future. Children often hear from adults - "if you do not study well, you will not achieve anything in life." These words are harmful, especially in the case of children of middle and high school age. Many teenagers have a different opinion on this, because they see the opposite. In this situation, explain your position based on facts without hypothetical consequences. For example, if a child has decided that athletes do not need good grades, remind them of the possibility of injury. Athletes leave their chosen path after a serious injury, and they have to look for another job with decent pay.
4. Ambition. Usually parents consider their crumbs extremely intelligent and talented, which becomes a problem for the student. Adults expect high marks from him, and when expectations are not met, they attack him with reproaches “why 4?”. Thus, the parent reports that he does not correspond to his family, and this, in turn, causes additional stress. Not all children are equally capable, and grades are just grades, not a source of misfortune in the future. Numerous studies have shown that high school performance does not guarantee success in adulthood. Social skills, ability to build relationships and achieve goals have a much greater impact on life satisfaction.
8. Form realistic expectations.
The school education system is designed so that adolescents are often instilled with painful perfectionism in their studies: they need to be in time everywhere and in everything, get fives, participate in projects and olympiads. Our system severely punishes mistakes and the desire to try a non-standard approach. Moreover, in real life, all this is necessary for work and further study skills. Therefore, parents should teach the children that making mistakes is normal, not everything works the first time, and sometimes it makes sense not to set the bar too high if you immediately understand that you can’t get to it. The ability not to demand the impossible from yourself and to forgive yourself for failure can greatly reduce stress and makes work only more effective.
How to relieve stress in a student
If disturbing symptoms are observed, first of all, it is necessary to talk with the child. Finding out that problems at school are a source of anxiety, parents need to show their understanding and support. In difficult situations, for example, when a student is afraid of the first day at school, make it clear that he will cope. To encourage, give an example from your own experience, tell us about your experiences and acknowledge how hard it was to overcome them. Be sure to finish the story positively. If the child received a low score, try to analyze what exactly went wrong. It is important that the student does not blame himself too much (“I'm stupid”, “I'm a fool”), but notice the reason, for example, forget the old topic, and it should be repeated sometimes.
Check how well the student has the necessary skills. These abilities vary with age. The younger student should be able to use the toilet, wash his hands, change clothes without the help of adults. In addition, he should be taught perseverance and fostered self-confidence. Due to these qualities, the risk of developing stress is significantly reduced. In addition, pay attention to the load at school, perhaps the child is tired and needs a short break, especially if it is a teenager. Do not be afraid to make an unscheduled weekend at least once a quarter, this will help prevent stress, as well as fear of visiting an educational institution.
9. Be near
It is always important for a teenager to feel that his parents support him, understand and are ready to suggest something, and in a stressful period, the feeling of security and “covered rear” becomes even more significant. It is necessary to build relationships so that the student knows that he can share his feelings, seek help in a difficult situation, that his parents will not blame him for failures, but will support and try to figure it out together. One feeling that you are not alone is capable of giving strength to cope with the most difficult periods in life.
10. Take care of yourself
Often parents see the problems of the teenager, but do not notice that they themselves are largely an additional or even the main cause of stress. When they begin to bring home their work conflicts, break down on loved ones, find fault and overwhelm them with criticism, this hurts much more than the severity of the teachers. Therefore, you need to start with yourself. Family should remember that a comfortable home environment is one of the main ways to support a student.
The ability of parents to listen
The first and most important condition for supporting the child in the fight against anxiety is the ability of parents to listen and hear. Even if the children are silent, you need to monitor their non-verbal communication: gestures, facial expressions, posture, gait. It is helpful to listen to parental instincts that help you feel the problem. Do not start talking about school too officially. It is better to do this in a relaxed atmosphere: during a shopping trip, household chores, travel in transport. No need to put pressure on the child when he does not want to talk about school. Psychologists advise adults themselves to tell about some cases from their own school life and always maintain a positive attitude.
1. Success in learning depends on the teacher
This is partly true. Teachers determine a lot in the lives of children. They may be too liberal with their students or too strict, tutelary caring or busily detached, meticulous in detail and so on.
Rarely does a teacher fully comply with our ideas about a good teacher. But one person does not determine the fate of the student, his life success or failure. And the school - with all its significance - is not the main place in the life of a child.
What to do? Parents have their own role in the learning process. They can make a beginner student happier. If the child is afraid of the teacher, acknowledge his experiences: he is really afraid! Explain that the severity of the teacher is not directed against him, an adult can also be nervous and angry.
If at some lesson the child is bored, awaken his interest in this area of knowledge. Read him good books, visit museums together, watch Discovery and BBC documentaries on TV or video - this is a great way to maintain curiosity.
Compliance with the daily routine
It is useful to establish a regime from a young age. If he was not there, then it will be much more difficult for the child to tune in to the school schedule, which will be another reason for stress. It is advisable to start adhering to the regime at least a month before school so that children can get used to it. If during the day there are changes in classes, then it is necessary to leave time for breakfast, dinner and sleep. You need to teach your child to prepare things for school fees in advance and get up a few minutes earlier so as not to worry about being late again. Children must learn how to plan their day. As an example, parents can show their schedule from a diary.
If a child’s workplace is littered with school supplies, and he finds it difficult to find the necessary things for classes, this can also cause irritation and stress. It is advisable that around or above the table there are comfortable shelves or cabinets that can be signed or marked with different colors to better organize things. Each time after completing homework, children should clean up the table and remember the place of each thing. A good habit is to immediately get rid of unnecessary garbage.
A child who has difficulty with homework (especially in the lower grades) should help. But you should not completely do the work for the baby. It is better to try to disassemble the task and explain it to the child so that he can cope with it on his own. If there are several tasks, you need to discuss with the student how to distribute them correctly in order to manage everything and still leave time for other things. It is important to teach the child to make a decision and plan based on the stock of knowledge and strength.
Knowledge of school rules
From the very first days, not only children, but also parents should familiarize themselves with school rules in order to correctly understand the requirements of teachers and the conditions for the child. What threatens the child with being late for a lesson? Can I bring electronic gadgets with me? What is the school dress code? Teachers usually report all the nuances of behavior in the classroom at the parent meeting. If questions and misunderstandings arise, do not delay their resolution. It is imperative to maintain a dialogue with both the teacher and the child to resolve the problem.
Even if children have extracurricular activities, an extension or sections, it is important to find time for their relaxation and regular games. This will reduce the stress and tension associated with the school. Immediately after coming home, it is advisable to give the child about an hour of free time, during the week it is better to free one day in which the children can just relax and gain strength.
Teaching children to help
Similar to establishing a daily routine, assigning household chores can also be a useful way to relieve a child of nervous stress in school. Firstly, it teaches the student to work and help parents. Secondly, it distracts him from unnecessary anxiety. And thirdly, domestic duties teach the child responsibility and independence. It is not necessary to assign difficult tasks to children. This can be cleaning the room, dusting, washing dishes, feeding or walking a pet. So that children with interest agree to help parents at home, it is useful to stimulate and encourage them: offer sweets, watch a cartoon, walk in the park, etc.
Как минимум за месяц до начала занятий в школе рекомендуется укладывать ребенка пораньше, чтобы он лучше адаптировался к режиму. Для быстрого засыпания очень полезна прогулка на свежем воздухе. Let it last only half an hour, but during this time the child will replenish the supply of oxygen, spend an excess of energy, calm down and be well tuned to sleep.
The beginning of schooling falls on Indian summer, when in the afternoon the sun shines hot in the summer. Such weather must be used and try to get out into the countryside. Parents should plan ahead for the weekend to take into account their own interests and that of the child. According to psychologists, for children experiencing stress, it is advisable to periodically change the environment and get out into the nature or make trips to other cities. This will help the child feel that the school is not a sentence, and there is always a weekend for free time.
Wall of concern
To help children express their anxieties, you can create a "wall of anxiety." For example, for her, you can take a small wooden board (sizes, shapes and materials are different) and a stack of multi-colored small sticker papers. Let the child write the cause of stress on them and attach them to the surface of the board. It is important to remind the child that as soon as he glues the names of all his worries and anxieties to the wall, he will stop thinking about them. In addition to this method, it is useful to create a “wall of optimism”, on which you need to attach stickers with a solution for every concern.
Another good practice for dealing with stress is giving thanks. It is useful to teach children to go around their loved ones at least once a week to hug and thank them for everything they have done. This procedure can be carried out during family dinners, dinners or holidays. It helps to focus the child's attention on the positive aspects in his life, evokes good emotions, teaches goodness and allows you to think less about school stress.
2. The workload is too big
As soon as the child goes to school, his day becomes like an adult's day. As a result, he gets tired, often sick. Sometimes fatigue is the result of an improper distribution of energy and time. Little schoolchildren generally do a lot of unnecessary things, because they still do not know how to learn. For them, the daily routine is still important. Some have a hard time carrying the long road to school.
What to do? The main thing here is to develop a daily algorithm of behavior: he came home, dined, rested, and at a certain time began to do his homework.
Start with breakfast. Often, the morning rush does not allow one to get out of the “night” state and “get into the shoes” of a student, and children need to change from home to school. A joint breakfast is both the time of your emotional interaction and the food that strengthens his strength. Do not arrange “preventive” conversations in the morning, do not grumble.
The child reads the assignment out loud, out loud asks the question: “What should I do?” - and out loud answers him
After the lessons, give the child energy out before you begin to remind you of homework. In the lessons, teachers say: “We take out a diary, take a pen, write it down. »Each action also needs to be pronounced at home. The child reads the assignment out loud, out loud asks the question: “What should I do?” - and out loud answers him. Performing the exercise, he says what he is doing now: “I am writing: 12 plus 24 equals. "
This is especially important if the subject is given with difficulty. In naming his actions, he gradually learns to speak “to himself,” quietly masters the algorithm for completing tasks and begins to use it automatically.
3. Grades cause constant stress
Many students live in fear of a poor mark, perceive it not as an assessment of their work, but as a kind of stigma. Often the parents themselves give cause for children's alarm: “Again the notebook was dirty, did not solve the problem, did not learn poetry, and lost the textbook. “They dramatize the situation, and the children begin to believe that they can never learn so that their parents are happy with them.
What to do? Even the most curious and attentive child sometimes does not cope with the task. And this does not mean that he is a bad student. Such a subtle, but very important difference must be felt yourself and explained to your son or daughter. Always evaluate the work, but not the child. When the task is done well, do not forget to notice his efforts.
It is important to know that from younger schoolchildren, from time to time, a sort of “rollback” occurs. In children 8-9 years old, for example, a period comes when the handwriting becomes careless, incomprehensible, sloppy. Knowing this age feature, emotionally support the child: “You learned to write so fast!” - and help to re-learn the “forgotten” calligraphy skill.
4. His classmates tease
This happens in different schools, regardless of prestige, location and level of teaching. Any trifle can become a reason for ridicule: glasses, hair not of the same color, tall or short stature, too dense physique or a quiet voice.
What to do? Listen to the child, but do not comment on his story. Refrain from the temptation to solve his problem immediately. Try to understand how he feels: pain, resentment, anger? Call this feeling: “It’s very disappointing to be called like that” or “It’s hard to endure such heavy feelings.”
It may seem unbelievable, but we really help children when we listen to them and acknowledge their feelings. There is only one situation in which it is necessary to intervene right away: when the actions of a child - yours or another's - degrade the dignity of a person or are simply life-threatening.
5. He refuses to go to school
This happens more and more often. On the one hand, our children are more free in the manifestation of their feelings and desires. On the other hand, the school really does not always satisfy their needs for free choice, creativity, development.
What to do? The child said that he would not go to school anymore. Talk to him about it, but not right away. Give both yourself and him time to understand what is really happening. It is necessary to agree with the “striker”: “School is really difficult ... But there are friends there, there are teachers that you like. Let’s go some more time (specify which one) we’ll go, see, try to change something. "
The best school is where children are respected, able to teach and at the same time do not squeeze all the juices out of them
Your task is to try to push as far as possible the prospect of leaving school. If the problem persists, you are probably studying in the wrong school. And there is no drama here. It is advisable to all questions with the change of school to settle the class until the sixth. Up to this point, the issue of relationships, communication with peers, children solve easily. In grades 7-8 it will be harder.
Which school is better? Perhaps closer to home or one where less workload. It is difficult for many parents to decide to change their educational institution. They think it is better where many lessons are asked and there are two foreign languages. In fact, the best school is one where children are respected, they know how to teach them and at the same time they do not squeeze all the juices out of them.