The family goes through a number of stages and crises in its development. Sometimes a crisis ends with a divorce. According to statistics, divorces more often occur 2-3 years after marriage and at the age of 40-45 years. However, the peak of divorces falls on 25-29 years, moreover, for men - for 29 years, and for women - for 28 years. If we consider the age of couples, then divorces more often occur in young families (up to 4 years of marriage), in families aged 4-5 years and 10-14 years. In 70% of cases, wives are the initiators of divorce. One way or another, you apparently got into the statistics of divorces. Then I suggest moving from words to actions, or rather drawing up a rehabilitation plan after a divorce.
Reasons for Divorce
There can be many reasons for a divorce. Sometimes you are amazed at the absurdity of reason (from someone’s bell tower). But for spouses, the reason is always subjectively significant. The most popular and common reasons include:
- treason and jealousy (including unjustified),
- disagreements in interests, hobbies and views,
- conflicts on the basis of living conditions,
- personality problems and immaturity,
- elimination of the primary basis for marriage (bankruptcy, loss of health).
Each individual is affected by broader factors. For example, the social and economic situation in the country. Also to broader reasons include:
- acceptability of divorces in society (absence of negative stereotypes),
- emancipation of women, economic independence (some individuals of the fair sex now earn more than men),
- urbanization, modernization, changing the rhythm and lifestyle,
- change of values and attitudes of society, departure from stereotypes and prejudices,
- changes in psychophysiological characteristics in developmental psychology and family psychology,
- early and rash marriages.
Family regulatory crises, accompanied by tension and anxiety in relationships, are always a negative factor that can provoke a divorce. But there are others:
- a divorce or conflict in the relationship of the parents of the spouses,
- living together with the parents of the spouse
- separation of spouses or frequent business trips,
- early or late age of marriage (in the first case, the spouses are not yet fully formed as personalities and will change, in the second - they are already difficult to change and are fully personalized),
- idealization of the partner (“pink glasses break the glass inward”),
- conflicting personality type of one of the partners,
- contradictions in temperaments (“did not agree on the characters”),
- unequal social, material, intellectual or other level of partners,
- excessive employment of one of the spouses with a career,
- sexual dissatisfaction, betrayal,
- systematic distrust and jealousy,
- infertility or other diseases of one of the spouses,
- pregnancy due to marriage
- having a baby at the beginning of a family relationship,
- antisocial behavior of one of the partners.
Additional negative factors include:
- material problems (loans, budget planning, income and expenses of each spouse),
- moral and physical stress in the family and at work,
- “Monsters” of spouses (personal insecurity, fears, jealousy),
- external forces (media, entertainment, friends (with whom you don’t need enemies), envious people),
- lack of personal time
- fight for leadership.
Each of these factors can be fought if you know about it and notice its impact in time. But since we are talking about the divorce that has taken place, this is no longer important. But! This is important to know when considering a new relationship. And please do not say "never again." When you meet a soul mate and a worthy challenger, you will understand that this is simply necessary.
Stages of divorce
American psychologist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross identified 5 stages of accepting a divorce:
- Negation. A person is trying to justify the forces expended on relationships with phrases such as “this is liberation”.
- Anger. At this stage, everything that boils over spills onto the partner. Often, it is at this stage that children become involved. Mutual manipulations and insults are also found.
- Conversation. Attempts to establish or renew a relationship. At this stage, manipulations and tricks are also possible.
- Depression. It occurs when previous reactions did not bring the desired result. This is an awareness of the irreparable situation. Self-esteem is reduced. A person begins to shun people, to avoid new relationships.
- Adaptation. Adaptation to a new situation, help in adapting yourself and your children.
This is not the only classification of the stages of a divorce. For example, based on the works of S. Duck and J. A. Lee, I have identified the other 5 stages:
- Awareness of dissatisfaction with marriage with further “chewing” and silence or expression of dissatisfaction with the partner.
- Conversation. This is the stage of mutual claim and experimentation. The most commonplace example is the variety of sexual life (role-playing games, adult shops). But, of course, this is the most primitive. We can talk about more elevated things: visiting the museum, trying to find a common cause for leisure. As a result of negotiations, the relationship either stabilizes or the spouses recognize the fact of discord.
- The official decision to divorce, the introduction of relatives and friends.
- Individual reflection. The spouses individually live on their experience, analyze the situation and their feelings. There are two possible scenarios: positive acceptance (this is a lesson, experience) or rejection (this is failure), accompanied by tantrums and depression.
I think we can say that the second classification better describes the divorce process for the couple, and the first describes the subjective experiences of its members. What I want to ask: what stage are you currently in (denial, anger, negotiation, depression, adaptation)? And have you gone before her? It is important. To irrevocably work out the situation of divorce, you must consciously go through each stage.
The danger of divorce
I do not want to talk about how divorces affect the country's demography. I think for someone who is looking for an opportunity to deal with a divorce, this is of little interest. Yes, and I do not want to intimidate spoiled demographics, calling not to spoil the statistics.
I propose to consider the personal most common conditions of women after a divorce (we also need to know what to deal with):
- low working capacity
- deterioration of health,
- reorganization of life.
Sometimes divorce hits self-esteem so that self-esteem falls. Often there is a fear of new relationships and repeated failure. The burden of divorce can poison a woman’s life for many years to come.
Divorce: the end or the beginning?
Even in science, there is no unequivocal assessment of whether a divorce is bad or useful. What can we say about understanding this phenomenon at the everyday level? Again, having discarded all world problems, we can only talk about the subjectivity of the perception of divorce.
It is important to determine, dear reader, what the outcome of the divorce is for you. Who was the initiator and why? What do you possess now? Try to write the following points about you from the perspective of how it was in the family and what it might look like now.
- Economic interests and opportunities.
- Professional interests and opportunities.
- Socio-economic status.
- Hobbies and hobbies.
- Self-development (self-education, external self-improvement).
And the key question is: did marriage suppress you as a person? Maybe there’s nothing to regret? Yes, these are changes, undoubtedly, something new and unknown. But maybe now you can fully reveal yourself: start playing sports, go to a hobby club, climb the career ladder, cook, read and watch what you want? Are you sure that divorce has not opened the door to the world of self-sufficiency and maximum realization?
I dare to suggest that if the marriage broke up, it means that there was something destructive and limiting to its participants. The question is what exactly and for whom.
Among the advantages of divorce for a woman, one can single out the opportunity to improve life and psychological health, preserve personal dignity, and enter into new, enjoyable relationships.
I recommend looking at the situation not as closed doors, but as open ones. If it is difficult to formulate orally, then compose written columns “what happened”, “what can be”. Relationships are usually based on self-sacrifice and compromise. So, I think, you can find a couple of motivational throats to regard divorce as something positive.
How to recover
You can successfully pass a divorce, following a simple plan. The points described below are approximate guidelines, the framework of work to overcome a divorce. To draw up detailed instructions, you need to know all the nuances of divorce and former family relationships.
- Start work on overcoming a divorce by identifying what is bothering you. What kind of feelings do you feel? At what stage do you perceive yourself? What are you afraid of? When you systematize your inner chaos, you will notice positive changes: sleep will improve, approximate guidelines for work will be outlined. You will not see a huge question mark that crushed you, but you will see many small, solvable problems somewhere under your feet.
- Next, identify your potential, your strengths, virtues, advantages, knowledge and skills. That is, find resources and tools to solve these small problems. Evaluate and search, including external resources (useful contacts, support from loved ones, and more).
- Constantly analyze your steps. Watch and take pride in how you move from despair to independence and freedom.
- Consider how wealthy you are in your own eyes. How are you implemented in different areas? It suits you? If so, why do you insult yourself with uncertainty and suspiciousness? If not, then you need to draw up a phased (from small tasks) plan for self-realization. It can include anything: get higher education, take retraining courses, start playing sports, take pedagogical courses, change your appearance, and understand oratory. Do everything so that you like yourself first of all!
- Similarly to the third stage, track the process of transformation, self-realization.
- The final chord will be the work on the return of trust, faith in love and relationships. Probably, at this stage you will already be able to ask yourself not what you need it for, but why. What have you learned from this situation?
You can forgive and say goodbye to your spouse forever using the Confession method. Write down the story of your family life on a piece of paper. Pros and cons in two columns. Read both lists aloud, analyze and summarize. Thank your spouse for all the good things (you can put a chair opposite and imagine that the ex-husband is sitting there, or print his photo). And then forgive me for all the bad. Next, in front of the mirror, forgive yourself for all the mistakes ("Svetlana, I forgive you for not seeing a liar in this person"). This will be the point in overcoming the divorce. No matter how hard it is to say these words aloud. Believe me, your brain, saying: "Yeah, she finally forgave and let go," will immediately begin to send signals according to this setting. You can do anything with lists, for example, burn the negative and save the list of pluses.
I will make a reservation that rehabilitation after a divorce can take a long time. If you decide to really survive this situation productively, then you need to have patience and strength. Of course, you can drown out any emotions with hard work, partying or deepening into something else. But sooner or later you will be left alone with yourself. And then what? The points described above are aimed at ensuring that you learn to live in a new way, and not try to constantly run away from yourself and the traumatic situation of divorce.
General recommendations for every day
The goal of your adaptation is to achieve complete independence from your husband and his family. This also means emotional attachment. I understand how much space a spouse occupied in lice life. In fact, all life is closely intertwined with his life. Why can we assume how difficult it is for you now without a part of yourself, but you need to gain strength for the regeneration of lost elements.
- Learn self-regulation and control of emotions. Sign up for yoga, learn breathing exercises. Learn to think first and then speak. Say mantras (phrases for self-hypnosis), count, leave the room for a while (to calm down). Learn to switch attention. In general, do anything, but do not give in to emotions.
- Go in for sports. The benefits of systematic training for the mind and body have long been proven.
- Take care of yourself.
- Allow yourself to do what we could not before (there was not enough time, my husband was against it).
- Show healthy selfishness, but do not forget about the interests of other participants, especially children. Give preference to constructive solutions to issues.
- With a "cold" head, approach the solution of everyday, legal problems.
- If nothing connects you with your ex-spouse, then you can safely just let go of this relationship and take care of your life.
- If you still have common children, then you need to try to establish relationships (of course, if the spouse is not dangerous for the child), at least as with a colleague. To do this, try to remember what united you and your spouse, to name his positive qualities.
Independence is independence, but remember that if there are children in the family, then the situation looks completely different.
What if there are children between you?
The situation of divorce is always complicated when there are minor children in the family. This is not about legal subtleties, alimony. This is a different area. My responsibility from the perspective of psychology is to illuminate another question: how to separate marriage from parenthood and help a child survive a divorce?
- There is a situation where the discord with the spouse is projected onto the child, which is why the father tries not to see him at all. Here you, unfortunately, are powerless. You can try to negotiate with your ex-husband, to convey the truth about the innocence of the child. Some men are open to dialogue. But the last word remains with the spouse.
- There is another situation when, together with a divorce, one of the parents loses children. Often, for example, the father is forbidden to see the child, although both sides (the child and the father) desire this. Immediately make a reservation that if this is not your case, then congratulations and allow you to skip this section. If this is one of the pressing issues, then I advise you to read the material to the end.
Even if you have ceased to be husband and wife, you remain parents. A child needs care, material and moral support, an example. Divorce does not eliminate parenthood. I am not forcing anything and I do not want to hurt anyone, but I must mention that removing a father from a child has no better effect on the socialization of your child.
If the reason for the dissolution of your marriage was something like a betrayal, then you are likely to experience more negative feelings. And your desire to completely exclude your spouse from life can be understood. But please consider your ex-spouse not as a lover or partner, but as a father. Did he do his fatherly duty? Provided children, talked with them, played? If he was not a bad father (did not beat or humiliate children, did not exert a bad influence on them), then let him continue to remain in this status.
I am sure you are a wise woman and a good mother. If the relationship with the father does not threaten the life and safety of the child, then there is no point in breaking this thread. You are responsible for your child. And such a bold and significant step (a little step over yourself for the sake of a child) is part of this responsibility.
On a note
Divorce has long been the subject of research by great minds. I suggest that you take your mind off and read the aphorisms of outstanding psychologists and psychotherapists of education for the sake of securing the main thoughts about the situation of divorce. Maybe it’s useful for status on a social network (we don’t lose our sense of humor).
- D. Gottman: "Divorce is better than a marriage that looks like a war."
- K. Whitaker: “You can become a former husband, but not a former father.”
- G. Figdor: “Not a divorce in itself leads a child to disastrous consequences for him, but that divorce that is not completely completed, that is, in essence, an“ unsuccessful divorce ”.
- D. Wallerstein: “Each relationship contains the possibility that a wonderful savior from a dream will turn into its opposite, an angel will become an insidious and rejecting demon. A once idealized partner can turn into a dangerous, destructive evil. ”
What else do you need to know about the intricacies of divorce? Learn from the video.
Overcoming a divorce requires conscious effort, hard work on yourself. It is necessary not only to survive the divorce, but to work it out. Remember the main goal is to achieve independence.
- It is noted that women are more emotionally and more deeply tolerate a divorce, but faster come to a psychological norm. Глубина переживаний больше у тех женщин, кто получил предложение о разводе, а не вынес его.
- В повторный брак вступают только 27 % женщин. Однако в новые отношения вступают практически в 100 % случаев.
- Women, on average, experience divorce in six months to a year, and men in one and a half years. I think this fact will add you pleasant emotions to the treasury of confidence.
I want to note that if not divorce, but marriage caused serious trauma (there was violence, aggression and other asocial behavior), then, perhaps, this is a completely different problem - post-traumatic syndrome. That is, the fact of divorce brought undeniable relief, but the fear of a new life is associated with life in marriage. I recommend in this case to seek the advice of a therapist.
And on the topic of overcoming a goodbye divorce, I recommend the book by E. G. Rykhalskaya “Love in the life of a woman: the path from separation and loneliness to a mature relationship”. The author describes in an accessible everyday language the complex psychological foundations and aspects of a woman getting a divorce. By the way, reading a book is a great reason to turn your attention.
I wish you success in writing a new life chapter. I believe in you!
How to survive a divorce from her husband? Analysis of the psychological state and methods of treatment
Sadness, neurosis, waiting for a call or the usual SMS does not leave alone. Men's household tasks force them to clutch a telephone to call their husband. But a call is a stupid idea, because you can survive a divorce from your husband only by moving away from him completely. To understand how to live onWithout returning to the past, the first thing you need to do is throw off the emotional burden. To do this, it is necessary to logically explain and transform aspects of the behavior model that make you stupor. As a result, when thoughts and actions cease to be motivated in the name of the husband, you can start life from scratch, even with a child.
The first factor is regret about the spent forces, time, nerves and other irreplaceable non-physical resources. As a result, a woman calls marriage a mistake and obsesses with thoughts about the inferiority of her young mental abilities, which led to the wrong choice of life partner. However, it cannot be denied that she married one, but divorced the other. This is explained by the growing personality. The more problems solved and the problems experienced, the older we are, so at 30 we don’t understand, condemn and despise the actions of youth. The same thing with the spouse: you married a grown-up boy, but divorced an adult whose views and principles were 100 times subject to deformation. Therefore, it is necessary to focus on victories, achievements, achievements in order to assess the situation in physical reality.
First, list on a piece of paper the aspects of experience, status, financial status, and other positive fruits of marriage. Secondly, think about it, it would be possible to get them Without a husband (support or ridicule enhancing motivation). Appearance factors should not be indicated, since a woman is able to transform at any age.
Get rid of fears. Psychologist's advice
The second thing that psychologists pay attention to is fears associated with:
- Loneliness (A female extrovert receives psychological nourishment in society, and an introvert from solitude. If you feel calm in society, you are easily distracted from problems and understand that you need attention, go to a sincere friend: mother, sister, girlfriend from childhood.),
- The complexity of finding a new potential husband (Many are looking for a trick if they know about a woman’s marriage that has not been married. If the ex-husband cheated, they are looking for a reason in you, putting themselves in his place. Therefore, it’s better not to leave conversations about the past for later.),
- By repeating the mistake (Some women close themselves in front of new men, afraid to stumble upon the likeness of the former. However, if you do not try on the image of your spouse whom you divorced, on the next, waiting for similarity, you can meet a suitable one. To understand this, do not close yourself and do not fall in love with appearance. More often she’s concerned about polygamous that don’t sparkle with her mind. If you want to make sure of the man’s intention, read the facial expressions: true emotions last about 20 seconds, longer - play.),
- The likelihood of revenge, attempts to control, prosecution and jealousy of her ex-husband (Temporary risk zone - the first three months. So how easier it is to survive a divorce from your husbandWithout communicating or contacting him, ignore incoming offers from him and from new fans, since the probability of getting the former into a new relationship is high.),
- The inability to get used to solving problems that were previously solved by a couple or husband (Remember the saying "Eyes are afraid - hands do", then you will not experience difficulties in the way to work, household, educational and any other purpose.),
- If you manage to give birth to changes in the psyche of the child (If you correctly explain the reason for the divorce, without focusing on the culprit, and also without insulting the husband and not forbidding to see the child, serious psychological injuries can be avoided (see. How to live with a child after a divorce?).) ,
- The stigma of “divorced women” (Divorced people are divorced in society, but those who are afraid to survive a divorce themselves. Ignore this and rejoice in independence.),
- The development of sociophobia (Fear of condemnation, evil recall and opinions about your person can make you a recluse. Try to think less about the opinion of the environment.).
Explained tips help, how to learn to live without a husband after a divorce, and become a successful mom and employee. Do not neglect them.
How to survive a divorce from your beloved husband? Getting rid of habits
The third factor is the complex of habits associated with the husband. For example, if the size of the pan for the dish is selected maximum, it means that subconsciously you are preparing for the fact that the husband will ask for supplements. Or you used to get up at 5 in the morning to cook him breakfast and put containers with lunch. Perhaps in the evenings you still visit the gym, in which he took you for support, so as not to be engaged alone.
All cases cannot be listed, but it is important to understand that get used to to realities overnight it doesn’t work out - you want to return it. In place of the husband in thoughts, put another person, let it be children. As a result of such a switch, the desire to fulfill obligations to the husband will go into the subconscious due to the lack of psychological kick (for example: “Why didn’t I cook dinner on time? Why is the shirt not ironed?”).
Installation "I can not do it"
Most women deliberately program their minds, including the “the worse it gets worse” mode, which is why laziness and apathy develop. To eliminate an obsession, it’s enough to change the perception of reality - to combine “I need” with “I want to”.
For example, the loss of 70% of the family budget due to a divorce forced me to get a second job. There is not enough time and energy to pick up children from kindergarten, prepare dinner and do homework. But if you correctly manage the time, observe the biological clock, strive to be in time without remembering her husband, life will turn into a verified system. It makes no sense to grieve over the husband, besides, it takes a lot of time and mental energy, which is better directed to priority tasks. Thus, combining affairs, assessing prospects and planning will form discipline, and memories will fade into the background.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
To figure out how to survive a divorce from your husband, you need to determine if the event has become a tragedy that erupts chaotically in the mind, causing stress. In the first days after a divorce, women have PTSD. But if the attacks of neurosis against the background of memories of a divorce, unfavorable situations before him, a husband’s infidelity or drill and other negative subjects continue for more than 3 months, the disorder most likely acquired a clinical form. Signs of PTSD:
- Thoughts about suicide
- Nightmares related to marriage
- Avoidance of triggers provoking memories (conversations, thoughts, people, photos, significant places for ex-husband and wife),
- Waiting for a threat from an ex-husband
- Unreasonable nervous breakdowns on children.
With repeated attacks of PTSD, you should consult a psychotherapist for cognitive-behavioral therapy (a technique for switching attention to positive or meaningful things). If at the initial stage of treatment it is not possible to cope with neurotic outbreaks, go to a psychiatrist. He will prescribe medication. If you are afraid to go to specialists, try at the time of the onset of neurosis to play a puzzle game on your smartphone.
How to start living after a divorce from her husband without resentment and anger?
The humiliation of a female person, domestic violence, moral bullying with periodic zeal leaves traces. When there is a loop on the recollections of these moments, the whole organism boils. I would like to take revenge: to humiliate, insult or mock, so that the husband feels the same pain that he inflicted on his wife during the marriage. However, this is due to the habit of being in an irritated state, which is difficult to give up due to the subconscious desire to relive the situation again. It is worth noting that divorce is the result of an unhealthy relationship between both spouses. Not only her husband is to blame. Therefore, focus on yourself. Draw conclusions about your actions and decisions. Send them to the court of parents, girlfriend or psychologist, then the insult will pass, and over time only good things will be remembered.
A focus on self-condemnation is a personality trait, not the result of a divorce. If you have repeatedly noticed the desire to avoid hostility and hostility in society, then look for the cause of this condition in childhood. Parents are the first to instill a negative assessment of the wrong actions. The main reasons for the constant feeling of guilt:
- Observation of quarrels between mother and father (If you saw how the parents were quarreling, then the subconscious kept information about who did the wrong thing, who is wrong, and who spoils life. This information today forces you to do the right thing so as not to experience the negative received by the parties to the conflicts .),
- Manipulations by educators, teachers and parents (“Do you have to behave in such a way that ...”, “Aren't you ashamed?”, “Are you not worthy ...” and other statements that force you to act at the direction of significant adults form a need to depend on the opinions of others that restricts personal freedom.),
- Evidence of mockery in adolescence over prominent peers (Self-esteem increases in adolescence from 10-11 years. Against this background, judging others begins. But criticizing others, we literally retell criticism about ourselves. Those who do not know this, begin to believe in their inferiority, however, is only the opinion of a person who is afraid of criticism even more. It doesn’t matter whether you become a witness to bullying or a victim, the fear persists.),
- Inoculating a false belief about the standards of society (Trying to meet the expectations of others, not accepting oneself is really stupid, because of this, your interests go by the wayside, but you please others. Stop it! You owe nothing to anyone. And the fact that you did not correspond interests and views of the husband, his problem.).
Everything that depended on you, you did. Stop blaming yourself for not being able to save the family. You did not build it alone. Condemnation of divorce by mother, father, girlfriends, colleagues - these are subjective thoughts of the environment.
How to survive a divorce from her husband? Post-divorce errors of women
The process of recovery after a divorce is approximately 1/10 of the time spent in a marriage. In other words, if the marriage is 5 years old, it will be possible to recover in six months without a psychologist. Nevertheless, most women try to speed up this process by searching for the wrong “facilitators” of consciousness in order to start a new life. As a result, mistakes are made that exacerbate the psychological state. Consider how to survive a divorce from her husband without stepping on a rake.
Husband's derogatory remarks after a divorce can motivate actions leading to superiority over him. In general, this is a good idea, but workaholism carries with it spiritual consequences. The changed behavior from benevolent to gloomy threatens relations with a child, colleagues, friends. Thus, you may not notice how you will remain lonely, and the successes achieved due to the motivation to become better than your husband will depreciate.
Do not focus on the idea of delving into activities in order to forget your beloved or gain a new status, because with each victory you will mentally return to it, trying to demonstrate success. If he doesn't give a damn, he’ll just be happy for you, but it won’t cause envy or regret about the divorce.
Life after a divorce from her husband. Love yearning
Loneliness, as the need to be loved, disables the instinct of self-preservation for the sake of finding a potential husband. Lonely and dependent on the male shoulder women become vulnerable, because they take flirting or obsession for love. As a result, there is a spa / office romance or a one-time date with a bed end. Such dates “include” euphoria, and because of their absence, depression. On the one hand, thoughts switched to another man, on the other, the feeling of loss doubled the degree of self-hatred. Because of this, the idea arises, either to seek love, sorting out males, or to completely close.
The problem is the haste and focus of the search. If you do not succumb to emotions and intimate desire, you can avoid the consequences. To weed out one-time partners, keep control in love and do not enter into intimacy for the first year, justifying your distrust of the stronger sex after a divorce. If a person needs only intimacy, he will not stay in a relationship longer than a month.
And if you like? Jealousy
Some women do not know how to survive a divorce from a husband if jealousy remains and love is gone, but they prove affection after marriage. There are many examples: waiting at the entrance with the goal of harming the husband’s new passion, changing his appearance to cause his reaction, etc. However, jealousy is a copy of envy. She speaks not of fear of losing her husband, but of depriving them of the feeling of being loved. If you are jealous of him, it means to show his failure, weakness and dependence on the love that he previously gave. This is also associated with the habit, because the likelihood of such behavior with a stranger is small. Therefore, in order not to become a victim of ridicule, do not show a lack of love in the eyes of the former. Read on here.
Maternal jealousy for their children after a divorce is not uncommon. Firstly, this is a consequence of the lack of love and selfishness, and secondly, the desire to take revenge on the spouse who destroyed the family. Every woman, fearing loneliness, understands that the child will leave the parental home, therefore she makes mistakes:
- Annoying with attention, gifts for the opposite effect,
- Taunts teenage love
- It threatens, puts conditions that interfere with interaction with the father,
- Manipulates a child for the sake of being in his society,
- Reproaches, puts on a mask of a victim.
As a result of attempts to redirect children's love for his father to himself, as well as increasing his presence next to him, he faces complete rejection (early marriage, flight from home). Do not interfere in the personal life of the child in order to avoid psychological injuries and do not interfere with the meeting with the father.
“The husband must provide for his family, and the wife must earn her own pads!” - you can often hear at a psychotherapy session. Such statements are considered arrogant in society and condemned, so these women are called kept women. But the reason for the desire to find a rich man lies in the loss of emotions given to the first husband. It also bears the character of revenge, since in the female consciousness everyone is assigned to the same type and supposedly must pay. As a result, resentment is transferred to the second husband, which casts doubt on the prospect of the development of a new marriage.
Payment of women's and children's whims is not the duty of the head of the family in a new marriage, if in return receives indifference. Do not build a monetary relationship, because wealthy people are looking for spiritual closeness. If they do not find her in the wife, they leave.
Mistakes That Reduce The Chance Of Re-Marriage
So how to learn to live after a divorce from her husband emotionally difficult, many embark on an untimely search for boyfriends. But among them rarely come across individuals who pursue the creation of a family. The fact that one can run into promiscuity (erratic ties) has already been discussed, but the consequences do not end there. The experience gained in marriage is successfully carried into a new relationship and repels applicants for marriage.
Mistakes made by women in an emerging relationship:
- Criticism of a man (his income, status, qualities of temperament and sexual abilities - all this stops relations without hope of continuation),
- Making assumptions about his actions from the accumulated experience gained with her husband (makes it clear that past life has not been released),
- Comparison of the former with the present (strikes self-esteem, exalting the former, since the latter has not been studied),
- Jealousy for no reason (see Do men like it when they are jealous?) On the basis of relationships and resentment over trifles (resentment is nothing more than an attempt to exaggerate attention to oneself, because it repels serious fans),
- Revelations with friends about the relationship with a fan, discussion and judgments about other people with him (if you are discussing someone else's life in the presence of a gentleman, be prepared to become secretive in order to prevent the spread of gossip with your help),
- Демонстрация «интимного профессионализма» (мужчины склонны быть учителями в постельной близости и не терпят опытных в этом деле (см. Муж ревнует к прошлому. Что делать?),
- Знакомство с бывшим (давит на самооценку и значимость претендующего на брак поклонника (см. Новый муж ревнует к бывшему. Что делать?)),
- Complaint about the former (may suggest an idea of the remaining feelings towards the ex-husband, which casts doubt on the advisability of maintaining and developing further relations),
- Excessive attention to the child on dates (see. The husband is jealous of the child from his first marriage. What should I do?),
- Meeting with the former without a specific purpose (causes jealousy, emphasizes a frivolous attitude towards acquaintance and threatens with a bed act (see. I cheated on my husband and the former. What should I do?)).
First of all, look for similarities of interests, value principles, and standard of living. This determines the psychological compatibility. If the partners' professions are distant from each other, like intellectual and cultural development and family values, marriage is doomed to divorce. Remember that the second chance to create a family in 94% of cases becomes the last.
The stages that a woman will have to go through after a divorce
In the life of every person there are problems that are extremely difficult to cope with, but loss is considered the most difficult experience. The death of loved ones is at the highest level, but the divorce from her husband is a little lower and, by the way, he is even higher than an unexpected dismissal from work. After the destruction of the family, every woman wonders how to survive a divorce from her husband. In our article you can find not only the answer to this question, but also make sure that life does not end there.
First, we warn that psychologists identify five stages that a person experiences with loss. All these stages should be lived through and there is no need to try to show yourself strong (window dressing, like I’m so invulnerable) and jump over these stages. The time to overcome each of the stages will be needed in different ways, because everything depends on the duration of the marriage and relationships throughout the marriage. The main rule is to take care of yourself and begin to devote more time to yourself (read here), and not think about how things are with your husband. Well, let's get down to considering all the stages that a woman will have to go through after a divorce.
A sense of shock and complete denial of the situation
This is the very first stage and probably one of the difficult ones, because when a person is in a state of shock, he is unable to think sensibly. Emotions at this moment are difficult to control and can be aggravated to terrible consequences. After the peak of the shock state passes, and the woman calms down, then denial begins. Everything around seems unreal, and the future does not exist at all. Those around will try to admonish the girl, but all the arguments for her are sheer stupidity. The moment of inadequacy is simply off scale.
Bouts of anger and resentment
The second stage is no less serious and everyone will have to go through it, because controlling your anger is not so simple. Spontaneous attacks of anger develop into insatiable anger at the former spouse. In memory all the worst moments come up, and begins to wind itself. The woman as if opens her eyes to the past actions of a man who seemed to her commonplace. (more detailed about why relations with a man do not develop) She begins to suffer not only from memories, but also from the lost time with an inconspicuous young man. A sense of resentment can lead to serious depression, as well as self-flagellation.
Obsession to blame yourself for everything
Oddly enough, this stage is a continuation of the previous one, because when the anger and resentment of the ex-husband ends, it is time to look for problems in yourself. The equator of all stages is the most dangerous and it can become a return to the first stage. It's simple, because the girl begins to search endlessly for flaws in herself and tries to hammer into her head what she was doing wrong. The danger lies not in thoughts, but in actions, and a woman will definitely want to correct far-fetched mistakes. This desire to meet and explain, to call and talk, and this can end in failure.
Gray days came, and depression stepped up imperceptibly
As you understand, after all these stages comes the realization that the past cannot be returned and this makes you very worried. The former family remained only in memory, and a loving husband has long been living his life. It is painful to realize, but it is necessary, because every divorced woman needs to survive it. Depression is different for everyone and you need to focus on it. This condition can reach a boiling point, and already the help of relatives or friends will be useless. (you need to contact specialists) At the initial stage, relatives and comrades are a good panacea.
The long-awaited and adequate acceptance of reality
After going through all the stages, you will reach the healing acceptance of reality. This feeling is indescribable and it can work miracles. All feelings come in order, and thoughts become healthy and sober. A person begins to understand that what happened is not a mistake, but a vital necessity for creating a successful future. After the onset of this moment, the woman will feel as if she has inhaled a breath of fresh air, and the past problems have simply disappeared. The path to a new and happy life is open.
How to survive a divorce from her husband: advice and what absolutely does not need to be done
Having considered all the stages that a divorced woman will have to go through, we took only the initial question. Perhaps after reading about the stages, the reader will understand what lies ahead for her and this will help to survive the divorce from her husband. The main question still remains, and we will try to list the list of tips and tricks that will help you understand how to survive a divorce from your husband. The tips will not seem new to you, but they are really effective. We should also talk about typical mistakes that the beautiful half of humanity makes during a difficult period. The most basic and critical mistakes and even stupidities do not need to be committed, because they will only make life worse.
Tips to help a woman
Let's start with the most interesting and useful, namely, tips on how to survive a divorce from your husband and stay happy. These recommendations can be attributed to a series of self-improvement and gaining inner peace and harmony. Every girl can try to implement the advice, and we are sure that this will only benefit. A woman who has survived a divorce is strongly advised to listen to the following:
- A change of image will contribute not only to external changes, but also to internal ones. In the beauty salon you can do a new hairstyle, choose a more attractive makeup, and in any boutique you should update your wardrobe. All these actions will not only increase mood and vivacity, but will also increase self-esteem,
- For those who do not have the opportunity to switch to children or household chores, you should get yourself a cat or dog, or maybe a funny parrot or a nimble ferret. This will help to focus on something useful and not think about divorce. Perhaps with the help of a new pet you will have the opportunity to make fresh acquaintances and make friends,
- Nobody has ever canceled sports, because this is not only health and relaxation, but also a long-awaited opportunity to take your time. You can do anything from running in the morning, to swimming in the pool or evening hiking at the fitness club. Believe me, this is really a pleasant pastime. A new activity is a way to expand your circle of acquaintances,
- Perhaps it's time to travel a bit alone or with friends. New countries and cities are fresh emotions, as well as the discovery of something new for themselves. You can visit ancient cities and museums, or you can simply go to the resort and relax in full.
- The obligatory procedure that must be done by each girl is to get rid of unnecessary as well as old things. Particular attention must be paid to those things that obsessively remind you of your ex-spouse. If you can’t do the burning of the old bridges yourself, then ask for the right girlfriend. This action will help you once again realize that a new life has come, and after the old only ash remains,
- Are you bored of the old design in the apartment, and did you want to change the colorful wallpapers for a long time? It is time for a change in the house where you live. Change the familiar environment that will remind you of the unfavorable days spent with your ex-husband. Make major repairs or redecorations that you have been dreaming about for so long, because you can afford it now. The main thing is that no one will impose their opinion and indicate that they don’t like the design,
- An important point will be financial independence, because now you have an obligation to provide for yourself. To do this, you need to understand how profitable your work is and whether you like it. It may be worthwhile to find a well-paid job that they have long wanted to triple. Think about a career and make all your dreams come true.
As you can see, the implementation of all the tips will contribute to ending the chaos in life and lead you to a new stage of development. It’s not so easy to complete, but this is another chance to prove to yourself that you are capable of more and deserve the best. Over time, thoughts on how to survive a divorce from your husband will completely disappear. This is understandable, because a completely different life will begin, which will fill the heart and soul with long-awaited happiness.
A list of common mistakes that absolutely do not need to be made
So we got to the interesting section of our article and tell you that here you must show unprecedented zeal in order to read to the end. Not every girl will be pleased to learn about the mistakes that will be presented here. An emotional explosion after a divorce makes you plunge into oblivion and this is fraught with terrible consequences. If you violate at least one rule, consider that you will not succeed in surviving a divorce from your husband. Each wrong action will trigger a chain of events such that Santa Barbara will rest on the sidelines. You may have already completed some of them, but this does not mean that there is no turning back. In this case, the main thing is not how to survive a divorce from your husband, but how not to aggravate the situation.
- Refuse the idea of returning everything. Surely there were pleasant moments in family life, but if divorce was a deliberate decision, then the path back is closed. The exception is making decisions spontaneously and hotly, but here is another story. No need to try to find an approach to the ex-husband and prudent him, all this is in vain. The main thing is to get out of this situation with dignity and never humiliate ourselves.
- At first, a void forms inside, which I want to fill with new feelings. All this is just an illusion and stupidity, because the search for a new partner will end for two only with disappointment and new pain. Nobody canceled flirting and entertainment, but serious relationships should be forgotten for a while. First you need to completely deal with the past and forget it, and only after that build a new life.
- An attempt to hide behind the mask of a confident and cheerful woman. Emotions that will overwhelm you need to be taken properly. I want to cry, shout or break something, so do it and do not keep it to yourself. Attacks of fear for the future are normal. Do not forget that you are an ordinary person inside and this is characteristic of you.
- Never make adult problems a part of children's lives. You should not say insulting words to your husband when a child, because this is the father of the baby, which for him is the standard of a man. Manipulating children is the most vile thing that can be in relation to yourself, to the child and spouse. There is one conclusion and this is a ban on drawing children into disassembly and misunderstanding of parents.
- Forbid yourself to believe in an illusion about a past life. You need to understand that if you got to a divorce, then something went wrong. To think that the spouse was so attentive and gracious and this could come back is a complete illusion. You are adults who have made important choices in life and must now come to terms with it. Returning the past will be a stupid undertaking. Spend your energy and emotions creating a better future based on the mistakes of the past.
- On nervous soil and with excessive experiences, sleep is disturbed. At night, obsessive thoughts and a stream of information that is difficult to control come. 90% of those suffering from this start taking antidepressants and sleeping pills and this can result in serious problems. It is better to consult with your doctor about more gentle drugs, and also spend more time outdoors and in the company of best friends.
- Divorce can cause unimaginable pain, frustration and a lot of problems, but resorting to alcohol is strictly prohibited. A momentary weakness for the green snake can exacerbate not only the problem that has arisen, but also put at risk the whole life. The euphoria that will give a passing drink and will never help to think intelligently, as well as to make dreams come true. We wrote above that you can do parenting, find a suitable hobby, start caring for a pet or plunge into sports. There are many options and you should simply choose one of them.
Conclusions on how to survive a divorce from her husband
All of the above should help every woman who is in a difficult situation. We talked about the stages that will need to be survived, and also gave recommendations and tips on how to survive a divorce from her husband. We discussed all kinds of mistakes during stress and emotional instability. If you collect the knowledge in your head and analyze it wisely, you can understand that divorce is not the end of life. Marriages are not always happy and this must be understood. To create a healthy and strong family, you need to go through many trials. (more details here) Not everyone is always ready to sacrifice or compromise, or maybe just not ready to create a cell of society. There are many reasons, and we will talk about them another time.
We wish you to find what you want in your life and never ask yourself how to survive a divorce from your husband. Develop family relationships, learn something new, listen to the advice of the old generation and take an example from couples who have lived together for more than fifty years. In family life, try not to get to the point of divorce, but rather devote more time to strengthening your bonds. If readers have additions or their own recommendations, you can always leave them in the comments below. Share your life experience, and maybe he will save someone's family.
How to behave after a divorce?
First of all, it is necessary to perceive divorce not as the end of life, but as a new stage. Before you open up many opportunities that were not available before. Therefore, you need to try not to cheat bad thoughts, and especially not to seek solace in alcohol or cigarettes.
Many are afraid to start a new relationship after the divorce. The fear is understandable, but it must be dealt with. It is only important to maintain a pause in order to recover and undergo rehabilitation. If you do not know how to survive a divorce from a husband or wife, then you should consult a specialist. He will tell you how to live on, and what exactly to do in your case.
Psychologists' recommendations for men and women
1. Acceptance of a divorce. If you can’t change the situation, then you need to change the attitude towards it. So say all the experts, and they are right. What is better after the inevitable parting: to dry out from suffering, to live alone or go further and create a new family? The answer is perhaps obvious. For some people, the problem has become a springboard for internal growth, and for others - a pit with a swamp, in which they gradually drown. Tell yourself honestly where you want to be in which of these situations.
2. Marriage is far from all life. It is very important to understand this idea in order to easily survive a divorce. Even if all your attention was concentrated around a broken family, you probably had a definite goal. A man is a unique and unique person who has his own desires. Therefore, you need to tell yourself that life goes on with or without marriage. This is one of the effective tips on how to survive a divorce from a wife or husband.
3. Do not be left alone. Many people make a mistake when they are completely immersed in their experiences and close from their loved ones, friends. On the contrary, they will help to cope with depression and survive parting. You need to communicate as much as possible with good people who love and value you. It is even better to find a circle of optimists and spend a lot of time with them. They will charge with energy, cheerfulness and their activity. But with pessimists and whiners who show pity, it is better to limit communication.
4. Take care of yourself. This may be a bad advice, but it really works. You can do your appearance, sports, go on a diet or find a new hobby. Perhaps you have long dreamed of learning to knit, play the guitar, ride a bike more often or go fishing. The period after the divorce provides time for all this.
The best advice is to distract from parting and take your thoughts with something else. A hobby will be a great solution and will greatly help in how to survive the divorce and betrayal. If you have severe financial problems, you can volunteer. In addition, helping others often helps to forget about their own pain and switch to other people's problems. Remember that a new activity, if it requires meeting people, is always unexpected acquaintances. Кто знает, может быть там вас и ждет ваша судьба?
Чего лучше не делать после развода
Также советы психолога, как пережить развод с женой или мужем, содержат правила, которые никогда не стоит нарушать. В противном случае период реабилитации осложнится и даже затянется на неопределенное время.
1. Не винить себя или бывшую половину в сложившейся ситуации. Все, что происходит в жизни, является хорошим опытом на будущее. Поэтому из развода нужно сделать для себя выводы, поняв причину неудачи. But the search for the guilty and the shifting of responsibility for what happened will not bring benefits, but only excite unpleasant memories.
2. Do not feel sorry for yourself. Phrases such as “how poor and miserable I am” must be excluded from our thoughts, especially in such a difficult period. Pity sucks out all the strength, makes it weak and helpless. Therefore, it is important to suppress even from other people. To pass the separation with dignity, it will take remarkable strength. You need to support yourself with the phrases: “In life, it doesn’t happen, I can handle it,” “It will only benefit me” and so on. You can read stories about how a man can survive a divorce from his wife or a woman with a husband. They will help to inspire and understand that not everything is so bad.
3. Do not attempt to recapture the past. No need to look for ways to return to a past life and impose on the former half. You made a decision to leave for a reason? The fact of divorce should be accepted and reconciled. Everything is done only for the better.
4. Do not start a relationship with anger. Many men and women after breaking up try to find a new partner. This they want to show their value to the opposite sex and more prickly ex-spouse. Maybe during the marriage you were considered the best, most interesting and attractive person, but during the relationship, the former half suffered from dissatisfaction with their needs. Therefore, inattention will push away even more or not at all make any impression. But such actions will destructively affect the new relationship.
How to start a new life?
Psychologists outline several steps for how easy it is to survive a divorce and start from scratch.
- Find all the advantages in this situation. In some cases, divorce can be interpreted as a positive outcome of the relationship. For example, the husband was an incorrigible alcoholic or despot, even beat his own children. Agree that it is better to part with such a person and not spoil your life? Divorce will open up new opportunities, this is a chance to do things that previously restricted yourself. In addition, you can change yourself, your temper, appearance, or even start your own business. There are only pluses in everything.
- Get rid of the memories. After the divorce, life should begin from scratch, without returning in thoughts to happy moments with an ex-husband or wife. Therefore, if you are thinking about how to survive a divorce, start getting rid of everything that reminds you of a past relationship. You can burn photos, throw out the gifts of the spouse, re-paste the wallpaper in the house and so on.
- Make plans for future life. The worst thing is to go to an uncertain future, so it is best to think in advance what can await you there. For example, you will make repairs, climb the corporate ladder, do fitness or make new friends. Think carefully about what you want, what you dream of doing in the future. Best of all, if thoughts are not just floating in the air, but will be reflected on paper. Therefore, make a schedule or even a schedule that will show what goals you need to achieve. Let them be small but doable for you.
Stages of divorce
In order to better understand how to survive a divorce, reviews of men and women say that you need to know what stages of the separation are.
1. The stage of denial. Many do not want to believe in what is happening and in every way convince themselves that nothing happened. Psychologists insist that it is necessary to recognize the divorce. This is very important, otherwise depression will only drag on.
2. Stage of bitterness or aggression. When a person understands what happened, he begins to be angry with himself or a traitor. These are quite normal feelings after parting, so you should not blame yourself for them.
3. The period of negotiations or manipulation. At this time, there is a desire to return the former half. Moreover, everything can be used: money, housing, children, a fictitious illness or pregnancy. Psychologists advise not to take such actions, but only to drive away bad thoughts from oneself.
4. The occurrence of depression. A feeling of unhappiness, longing and resentment comes. I do not want anything, my mood and confidence in the opposite sex disappear. Just at this stage, many begin to seek advice on how to survive a divorce from a wife or husband. It’s important to survive depression, not exacerbate it.
5. The stage of adaptation. Only during this period, people who have experienced divorce, begin to adapt and get used to a new life. Wounds are healed, insults are forgotten, and a desire appears to have a new family.
Only after going through all the above stages can you survive the breakup. Moreover, it is important to help yourself on each of them. But how much they survive a divorce depends on the person and the specific situation. For example, a period of acute pain can last up to two months. The adaptation phase usually lasts from two to six months. The stage of recovery can last from six months to a year. But finally you can return to normal after another year or even two. As you can see, you need to be patient in order to survive this difficult period.
Features of the gap in pregnancy
As a rule, parting with a pregnant woman occurs in a very young couple. Moreover, the initiator, most often, is a man who is not ready for responsibility. If life has not been asked from the very beginning, then divorce is most likely only for the better. It is important for girls not to entertain themselves with hopes that the husband will change his mind and return. In most cases this does not happen. The sooner a woman realizes this and begins to deal with how to survive her husband’s betrayal and divorce, the faster she will be able to start a romance and find a father for her child.
During pregnancy, psychologists recommend sweeping away negative and bad thoughts. It is important to concentrate on the upcoming birth and the health of the baby. This will not be possible if the expectant mother is constantly in tears. You need to take care of yourself, your child, try to survive and become the best parent. It must be remembered that experiences greatly harm the fetus! Girlfriends alone may not be enough, so do not be shy to seek professional advice from a doctor and psychologist.
Experiencing a divorce with children
Family conflicts are always more difficult to resolve if the spouses have a common child. In difficult situations, these are permanent courts, an aggravated division of real estate, property, and even offspring. Some generally face the challenge of how to survive a divorce with two children.
Under such circumstances, it is important for parents to try to remain friends, because meetings with the child are inevitable. Children feel the emotional state of father and mother and unconsciously copy it, especially if they are small. Also, you can’t set your children against one of the spouses or restrict their communication (unless, of course, this is prohibited by the court), this will only aggravate the situation. Discussing the reasons for divorce with the children is also not worth it, but convincing them that they are still loved is a must.
Psychologists recommend taking up education and planning the life of the child. If relocation is inevitable, then you need to think about a new school, clubs and leisure for the holidays. Former spouse also takes an active part in education. High school children and students are more likely to relate to the divorce of parents, so it will be easier with them.
How to survive treason and divorce
It is always harder to forgive a spouse if another woman or man became the cause of the breakup. Suffering only intensifies, because betrayal is a serious betrayal. If a divorce has already occurred, then psychologists recommend only one thing - to understand and accept that it was not your person.
You can not compare yourself with an opponent, try to find the cons in yourself and beg to return your ex. Also, many make a mistake when they start blackmailing with children or property. Then how to survive treason and divorce? Just let the person go, forgive him, wish him happiness and live on. Let him create a new family, and you will certainly be happy with another person.
It is generally accepted that more mature people experience a gap in their own way. They have a special way of life and slightly different opportunities. Consider how to act in such cases.
The experience of divorce after 30 years
In fact, 30-35 years is still a very young age. Therefore, it is not worth living memories and long sorrow for a failed marriage. You need to look at the situation in a positive way. You have already gained experience in building family relationships, housekeeping and work. If you have no children, you can focus on a career. This age is the most attractive for employers. You can also change your profession, get additional education, or start traveling. With the advent of children, there will no longer be such opportunities.
Divorce after 40 years
At this age, family ties break up very often. Moreover, this may be due to a new period of "growing up", with the crisis stage. In general, general recommendations will help in how to survive a divorce from a husband after 40 years or with a wife. In Russia, this age is considered to be middle-aged, so many people are concerned about the lack of children. The solution may be adoption or in vitro fertilization.
Loneliness after 50 years
At this age, it is most difficult to accept a divorce situation, because youth is already far behind. In fact, life after fifty is just beginning! Surely in the family there are adult children and grandchildren with their interests. You need to try to get closer to them and put all your strength into them. They will help to survive this difficult period.
You can also forget about suffering if you open an exciting business in which you need to invest your whole soul. The sadness will pass, and there will be a sense of transition to a new, better life stage.
All of the above recommendations of psychologists really work and help, so do not neglect them. For inspiration, consider some of the reviews and stories of people who survived a divorce. How did they cope with the situation?
An example when a husband cheats
Sometimes it happens like this: a woman understands that a man is cheating on her. Although there was love, a common child, field trips, going to the cinema and more. Usually a woman asks her husband for a long time to return, even begs him, but divorce is inevitable. After some time, she decides that she will have enough humiliation, change her image, hairdo, wardrobe, lose weight and stop calling her ex-spouse. After that, he himself will seek meetings with his child. Many friends after a divorce are advised to sign up for fitness and foreign language courses. This is a great chance to put yourself in order and take the first step to visit another country. Perhaps a nice man will meet in the courses and the relationship will begin. It happens to many women, they even get married again and live very happily.
An example when a wife is to blame
In some cases, only after marriage, a man can understand that his wife is too demanding. She literally "saws" him, constantly tells him that he does everything wrong, although he tries, and his wife does not even notice it. And it is not surprising that a man can make a lover, not knowing how to survive a divorce. Relationships with the new passion do not always succeed and one cannot forget the old love. A man begins depression, but only work saves him. And it’s good if you get an understanding boss who temporarily loads orders. So there will be no time for sadness and reflection on personal life. It will take several years, the man will take off on the career ladder, and will not even remember his ex-wife.
It happens that a husband eventually becomes a tyrant, although he was a wonderful person. At first, he forbids using cosmetics, having beautiful things, talking with friends and generally having personal space. The husband will dominate in everything. Later, he will begin to show aggression, insult and humiliate. When the first assault occurs, sometimes a woman realizes that this can no longer continue. She filed for divorce without regret and leaves to live with her parents.
After the break, some girls sign up for psychological training. There they hear many similar stories of women who survived a divorce. A professional coach who conducts classes helps to increase self-esteem and love yourself. Women are transformed before our eyes. After the training, they find a good job, return girlfriends and meet a decent man.
Alcohol is the cause of divorce
In some situations, women leave men who abuse alcohol. Bad family people come out of them, they do not strive for a good salary, do not help with the housework, and do not devote time to their wife and child. They prefer to spend all their free time with their drinking buddy friends. Women do not stand up and file for divorce. For some men, this turn of life becomes a good “shake." They persuade the spouse to return for a long time and begin to act. The first thing, of course, is alcohol. A man can be so desperate that he will never drink again in his life. After some find a decent job, while others even open their own business. Seeing such changes, many wives return to their former spouses.
Now you know how easy it is to survive a divorce and start a new life. Do not lock yourself in and constantly grieve over a failed family. We need to accept what happened, tune in to positive and move forward. After a few years, you won’t even remember about divorce, because you will find new happiness.