When a teenager wants freedom, at that moment it begins to seem to him that his parents are the most controlling in the world. At heart, they want to trust you, and want to give you your legitimate teenage freedom, but sometimes (but not always) they really may not trust you. Trust is something that needs to be created and developed. This article will help you earn the trust of your parents, and with it, the relationship between the parent and the teenager can become stronger.
How to gain the confidence of a teenager: basic mistakes
- punishment in any form will turn parents in the eyes of a teenager into enemies,
- harming the teenager’s prestige (you can’t scold the teenager in front of his peers, because he values their opinion very much),
- arguing with a teenager will only make him more stubborn,
- the alienation and indifference of parents, even after the teenager was the first to move away, only exacerbate the situation,
- acceptance of a foreign party (if in disputes, conflicts of a teenager with a third party to support the latter, then the confidence of the teenager will be lost).
Teenagers want to see their parents as friends who will accept them as they are. Warmth and care - The first answers to the question of how to gain the confidence of a teenager.
Adolescence: How to Build Relationships with a Child
Problems with your child? He does not listen to you, is rude, bold, tries to do everything his own way? It proves that he is already an adult, and acts contrary to your advice. Then sulking at you because you were right. A familiar picture? Mom of foster children Elena Primacheva has been in a similar situation more than once and is sure that everything can be changed.
Want a change? An open, sincere, respectful relationship? It is not simple. You have to work hard. Trust needs to be won. But it's worth it. Ready?
Step 1. Remember, have you always had difficulties in relationships?
If so, try to be a friend to your child.so that he learns to trust you.
You can only become a friend only when you have a desire to help your child prepare for adulthood, and learn how to make the right decisions at home.
Moreover, this should not be a desire to show the wrong child, the fallacy of his judgments, namely the desire to help him. Lay a straw, if you want, and then together analyze its successes or failures.
And in no way to criticize or chastise him when he is wrong again, but to be prepared for any development of events. To enable him to make these very mistakes under your supervision, so that he learns to independently deal with the consequences of his choice.
If your relationship with your child has not always been as cold as it is now, then try to find out where the failure occurred, what caused it and who is to blame.
I want to encourage you so that you are not afraid of the upcoming work. They did not spare time and energy in order to again see the joy in the eyes of the child when you appeared, and not the grimace of regret.
Do not be afraid of all sorts of myths about a difficult age, about the fact that time is wasted and you can’t return to the past. This is your child, and while he is under your care, you can and should do everything in your power to teach him to make the right choice and be responsible for it.
But we perfectly understand that all his bravado is superficial, and he knows little about real life. Yes, just remember yourself at his age, and you will understand what is happening to him now.
So, let's determine what we want from our relationship with the child.
Step 2. Describe on an piece of paper your ideal relationship with your child as you imagine them
You can decorate them with different emotions. Write everything that comes to mind, there is no frame here.
Now answer yourself the following question: what prevents you from having your dream relationship with your child? What is bothering you personally?
Maybe you don’t have enough time for it? Or does he come to you with questions at the moment of decoupling in your favorite series? Are you tired of repeating the same thing to him several times and saying unkind words? What was the beginning of the estrangement?
Remember, we said that this does not happen in one moment? You can lose your wallet at a time, but not the trust of the child. Children, as a rule, are patient and condescending to our weaknesses, and we use it. We use their dependence on us, our power, I do not know what else. But I think you understand me.
The next step will lead you to the final victory over any misunderstanding.
Step 3. Ask for forgiveness, admit your mistakes
If you have never asked your children for forgiveness, this is the time to start. Sincere forgiveness, like an eraser, erases past grievances. It gives a chance to the new, better that can be between you and the child. You seem to put yourself on a par with him and show your vulnerability.
Do not wait in return for repentance, it is important that the child believes in your intentions. If he asks for forgiveness in return, well, you will not wish for better!
The most important thing that can happen to you at this moment is the sincere joy that you are together, that you can finally speak frankly and build your dream relationship step by step.
Stay on the new course, do not repeat the old mistakes, and you will succeed!