Someone makes it easy and heartily, but for someone to apologize is a real test! And if you do not realize your guilt, is it worth it to apologize so that the situation ceases to be tense? What psychologists think about it.
Even if you involuntarily offended a person, hurt him, you have a feeling of guilt. It is not always recognized, but sometimes it becomes simply an insurmountable obstacle that prevents us from asking for forgiveness. But no one likes to feel guilty!
That is why deep down we are afraid that our apologies may be rejected, that in return we will hear reproaches and it turns out that the apologies were in vain. However, you cannot predict the course of events. Therefore, only one thing remains: to act in order to get rid of all illusory fears. Remember: overcoming your fear is a small victory over yourself, and getting forgiveness is a double victory.
Apologize sincerelyfrom the heart. Not expecting such a step will add “points” to you, and unprecedented benefits will sprinkle on you. Do not play and be honest with yourself, otherwise you will be the loser.
Do not try to make amends with wide gestures and gifts. They are good when the soul is joyful and calm. “Buying” in this way forgiveness is not a good idea.
When apologize do not try to explain what you are to blame. Perhaps your interlocutor assessed the situation in his own way and sees your fault in a completely different way. And then you will find yourself in an awkward situation. Describe your feelings better, tell us how important your relationship with him is.
Even when we understand that we were unfair, and we need to apologize, it is very difficult to look a person in the eye. And then come to the rescue letters: while you write, you can choose the right words, look at what has happened on the other hand. But the distance will not disappear, so a virtual apology is only the first step towards reconciliation. In addition, a letter or sms does not convey all emotions, and a person may not understand you that way. Therefore, you need to find the strength and courage to discuss everything in person, in order to continue to avoid any misunderstanding.
"I'm not to blame for anything."
Often we think that we did not say anything offensive and acted as we considered necessary. So, we don’t feel any guilt. But here's the bad luck: the other one (our interlocutor, beloved or close friend) is seriously offended. What to do in such a situation? If we are talking about deep relationships, it is worth considering how you could hurt your loved one. Try talking to him, find out what you said or did wrong. Perhaps he had a wrong idea about your intentions, thoughts. Correct a situation can only confidential and honest conversation. Your sincere explanations that you did not want anything bad will act like a balm for the soul of the “offended”.
Well, and if you are tormented by doubts whether to apologize or not, think about the phrase “Sorry!” And even said with a smile, can defuse almost any conflict situation. Do you agree? Then learn to be flexible, sincere and honest - first of all with yourself. In addition, the ability to admit one’s mistakes and mistakes speaks of a person’s maturity and wisdom.
How to understand that your guilt is unhealthy?
- You feel guilty almost every day.
- You often apologize.
- You feel guilty when someone else breaks the rules (talking on the phone in the cinema, rude to the cashier, etc.).
- If someone says that your work is done poorly, you think that you yourself are bad.
- You worry whether you are understood correctly and what they thought about you.
- In response to criticism, you seek excuses and cannot answer directly.
- You always strive to "save the situation", even if you are not asked.
- You hide and say a lot in order not to offend a person.
Why does an unhealthy guilt appear?
Parents often, without realizing it, instill in their children this painful feeling. For example, they say: “Because of you, I had to blush at the meeting!”, “Because of your music my head ached!” Unfortunately, this is the most common reason that makes a person feel chronically guilty.
In childhood, we were praised for the top five and washed dishes, and scolded for torn jeans and mess in the room. So it turns out that the installation is fixed in the head: if there is something wrong nearby, it means the wrong self.
Everyone is responsible for their actions and attitude to life - it's time to understand for a long time. But if you feel responsible for the actions of your colleagues, relatives, an accidental passerby on the street - this is already abnormal.