Useful Tips

How to respond to criticism and keep calm?


Correctly respond to false accusations in our favor.

Due to various circumstances, we are periodically subjected to verbal attacks.
When the accusations are unexpected, we feel uncomfortable, we are not protected, and therefore we panic, and we can no longer control our behavior as if we were doing it in a calm state.
And we get panic because we know little of human psychology, we know little of the world.
We often accept other people's game rules without knowing them. As they say, if a person agreed to play by the rules that he does not know, he is a sucker.
The first thing to do in a situation when you hear false accusations against yourself is to maintain composure and inner calm. You are innocent - this is the main thing. Everything else is trifles.
The second - you can not resist the prosecutor, acting randomly. It is necessary to think through every word. Wrong words can do you a lot of harm.
And then you need to act on the basis of the gravity of the charges, the strength of psychological pressure, the damage that may be caused to you, the responsibility that will have to be borne, etc.
If a person wants to know some information from you, then you can react adequately - give the person what he wants to know.
If a person is annoyed and specifically suppresses your personality, then you can react in the same way.
You need to defend yourself, but the way to repel a psychological attack (pressure) is chosen each time based on a specific situation.
As the best option - humor, irony, sarcasm, if you have the appropriate mood and energy. If you yourself are currently in a difficult situation or upset (for example, someone is sick in the family), then this method you will not "pull". You can be ironic when you yourself are in a cheerful mood.
By the way, you can fight back and words spoken by a different intonation. This method also works.

In any case, a psychological attack on you is just an episode in your life, moreover, an interesting and incomprehensible life. If you philosophically approach this issue, then to cope with your condition will be very simple. If you are in a difficult situation, and verbal attacks cannot be reflected right now, then think about whether to spend your health and energy on people who behave impolite and aggressively. Communicate with others who behave differently.
Of course, it is better to put a person in place, but if so far this does not work out, do not worry. Over time, all situations resolve by themselves.
The "best defense - attack", "break the situation", "hold the position", "do not make excuses", "do not bend" methods also work, but you need to understand clearly who the person is in front of you. Gestalt is sometimes the best way to resolve a situation peacefully.

Absolutely unfair criticism

There are situations when an annoyed person is ready to blame anyone for his problems. If you fell into the hands of such a subject, then be prepared for accusatory flows of speeches addressed to you. The same thing happens when he does not know how to confirm his words (your girlfriend accuses you of having blabbed her secret, although you didn’t).

What to do if you are criticized unreasonably for what you did not do and what you are absolutely not guilty of?

1. Do not insult in response, even if you really want to. When you are offended, phrases like “Look at yourself!” Break off the tongue, and you yourself are already trying to make the other more painful. Word for word, the atmosphere is heating up and a quarrel erupts. The best solution in this situation is to stay calm. Mentally isolate yourself from the offending interlocutor and think about something outsider to distract. Do not succumb to provocations.

2. Do not make excuses. As soon as you begin to mumble something like “I'm not that, it's not me,” immediately show your dependence on someone else’s opinion. Critics do not need your excuses, on the contrary, they are more interested in each of their words to make you hurt and drive into the paint.

3. Do not show that you are upset. Someone said that you were poor or scared - it becomes painful and insulting, you are upset and come to the conclusion that this someone is right. This is absolutely wrong. Raise your head higher, smile and in no case show that you feel bad. Let them think better that you do not care about their opinion.

4. Fight back: ask questions. The interlocutor has already poured a tub of accusations, insults on you and everything still will not stop? Wait until he draws more air for the next volley of battle, and calmly ask him: “Do you like my clothes and hairstyle? Perhaps you like disheveled styling and fishnet tights? Speak, do not be shy! ”Almost surely your interlocutor will shut up, you will put the interlocutor in an awkward position.

Fair criticism

Statements about your habits, actions or character are constructive criticism only when they are true. Such reviews are not much nicer than unfair reviews, but you can listen to them and change.

Listening to fair criticism:

1. Talk about your feelings. For example, you are fond of football, but someone from your friends / acquaintances / family does not like it. You can answer their comments that you understand their concern about possible injuries, but because of their inhibitions, your desire to play does not diminish. Try to find a compromise: tell us how you like football, and promise to be careful.

2. Relate to the opinions of others calmly. If you do not like reproaches of friends, do not rush to swear with them. You may not agree with the opinions of others about your actions, but take their words calmly. Perhaps in some ways they are right and you should change.

3. If you make a mistake, admit that you are wrong. Such an approach to the problem will reduce the time of tedious lectures on your misbehavior many times.

When you criticize others for some reason, do it politely and don’t get personal. In order for your comments to achieve the goal, and a person to pay attention to your dissatisfaction with something, try:

1. Express your opinion in a firm, confident, but calm voice. Accusing a person of something, do not rely on emotions, but on facts and evidence confirming that he is wrong. Such reproaches will be much more effective than an angry tirade.

2. Allow the other person to defend themselves. If he has something to say in his defense, listen carefully. Perhaps his explanation will clarify the situation, and it turns out that he is not to blame for anything.

3. Do not cross the forbidden line: mats, insults and humiliations of a person are absolutely unacceptable! In addition to retaliatory aggression, you will not achieve anything with this, so it makes no sense to start.

In any situation, stay calm first and don't let emotions defeat common sense. And then no criticism is terrible, and communication will be constructive.

What a score!

First of all, you must immediately abandon the "scary" thoughts, such as:

  • yes how can that be!
  • yes that they generally allow themselves!
  • who is he to roll a barrel on me!
  • I did so much, but here they treat me like that, where is justice ?!

You, of course, can be indignant and think in this direction. And even to find out how fair this is. Whether it is fair or not, they accuse you deservedly or undeservedly - the situation is the same. And any lamentations about this do not solve it. I recommend reading more about this in the articles “The key difference between successful people and losers"And"A couple of tricks for controlling thinking».

And you know, unfair accusations are quite normal, ordinary (I would say, natural) practice in everyday life. A lot of people were executed due to investigative errors, malicious intent, or even under false pretexts. Therefore, if you are not led to the block or to the execution wall, you are already lucky. That is, everything is not so bad.

To get started, simply determine what the biggest damage from the charges will be. Often, he confines himself to an incomprehensible “whispering” behind his back, not particularly affecting either income, relations with a loved one, or even more so health. If everything is like this, is it worth it to spend your time, nerves and mental strength on the proceedings. But, let's say, your career or business, or relations with others, or even freedom, can really suffer from the charges (that is, criminal prosecution will begin)

What to do?

One large lawyer, in response to a request “they unfairly accuse me,” said: “Do you know the author? If so, pick up the phone right now and talk to him. ”

Indeed, the key is always the source of the allegations. You need to determine:

  • what exactly is this particular person accusing you of (that is, not people at all, but he)? What exactly is he saying?
  • why is he doing this?
  • what does he want to achieve this?

Not knowing the main “instigator”, just ask people who told them this about you, and generally thought them over to it. Adhere to the even tone and manner of communication "on an equal footing" - in no case do not run over, and do not insult the distributor of charges. By endurance and in an even friendly tone, you speak it much faster and more efficiently.

Suppose you are on the initiator. The reasons for his behavior can be divided into the following groups:

  • misunderstanding
  • personal grievances
  • selfish interest and other benefits

In a conversation, the most important thing is to accurately diagnose one of these causes. Therefore, we will consider how to communicate with the distributor of slanderous rumors.

Firstly, careful listening will help you understand the details of the charge, and find possible inconsistencies. Secondly, to establish contact with a person. In most cases, the distributor of the charges acts from a trivial misunderstanding, and not from malicious intent. And the simple human “listen” tempers his ardor much better than exhortations and retaliatory aggression.

Hold the recorder

All conversations with the person-source of the charges must be recorded. You can listen to them several times, and pay attention to the details that you first missed. Secondly, he can tell you personally (if he acts intentionally) details that he will never reveal in public. Well, or just express in your face the boiling grievances.

If a misunderstanding ...

In the conversation, you see that the accuser simply didn’t understand something, and therefore spreads erroneous information. You simply find out on what grounds he decided that way, and then find refutations to them, and explain to him. If at the moment he does not accept your arguments, just after a while you post them again, and maybe find new ones.

  • “Why did you decide that it was I who stole the money?”
  • “It’s just that no one except you remained in the office. Yes, they themselves said that you were planning a trip, but there was not enough money. ”
  • "And what is the sum in question?"
  • “5 million rubles”
  • “What bills? What does the guard say about the moment I left? ”
  • “Banknotes of 5 thousand and 1 thousand. The guards say nothing. As they entered, they left »
  • “So, there are at least a thousand notes there, and most likely, much more. Tell me, is it possible without a bag and without a bag to carry this money unnoticed if you have only one shirt and trousers on you? ”
  • “Well, theoretically, you can cram them under your shirt ...”
  • "Unnoticed by guards, right?"
  • "Then I dont know…"
  • “Well, look, I am now successfully completing the project, for which I will therefore be paid a good fee, and they also promise a raise. In the light of this, is it profitable for me to stain myself like that? ”
  • "Probably not…"
  • “It’s probably worth it to conduct a more thorough inspection”

This is just an example of a dialogue, because often it takes some time to find weighty arguments (this is not always possible to sound right away).

If you are unable to independently find arguments, and the matter takes a serious turn, it is worth contacting a lawyer or a private detective.

If maliciously ...

If someone undeservedly blames you

come to him and earn

Suppose you understand that someone is deliberately spreading charges that could do real harm. To begin with, try in this case to bring him into a frank conversation in order to understand why he needs this and why he organized himself against you. Perhaps a person holds any personal grievances against you simply because he has thought of something about himself. Well, if you return it to reality, maybe he will understand that you are not such a “sausage”. And this will prompt him to abandon his persecution.

The conversation must be recorded. If he openly shows personal interest, or even completely talks about his true intentions, all this will be recorded on a material medium. And the records already have real legal force. After that, you put him a condition: either the record goes to public access, or he stops his shares. By the way, slander is a criminal offense, so you may well threaten to contact the police.

In parallel with this, it is necessary to immediately begin collecting evidence refuting your guilt (checks showing that you were far from the place of the act).

It is also necessary to look for other sources of incriminating evidence against a person who maliciously spreads accusations - it is quite possible that there are sins behind him that he would like to conceal from publicity. And that means that he can refuse vain accusations.